Seven Psychopaths

SF: There was a lot of hype for this film, given that it is written by Martin McDonagh I could see the potential,  In Bruges (7/10) was most enjoyable.
Sadly the fantasy and reality are starkly different. Firstly the entire meta approach of watching while the writer comes up with the concepts and themes for the very film your seeing is very annoying and not particularly interesting. As there is no real plot, just the promise of one, it would difficult to categorise. I think the film makers were attempting to make a black comedy but it seemed more like an excuse to showcase ideas rather than an actual film. Also the over use of dramatic irony is equally irritating rather than entertaining. Only two character held my interest played by Christopher Walken and Tom Waits, it is a shame they get such little screen time. The film remained funny in parts but suffered from trying so hard to be witty that all your left with is painfully forced dialogue holding together something that needs a lot more work. Did anyone else think it was a bit like Tales from the Crypt? 4.5/10

50Eggs: n/a

DonkeyB: Let's start at the beginning, the opening scene on the dam, is brilliant, witty and funny. The rest of the film I hated. After 20 minutes I would have walked out but the cinema was packed and we were too far from the end of the row. I can promise eveyone reading that I did not laugh once after the scene on the dam. I hated the film, on every level, I thought the violence was pointless and pornopgraphic. SF is correct- the film is "meta", what this means in this case is that Christopher Walken's character gets to be the 'producer' type character, giving 'notes' to the 'writer' character, this apparently means the film can be a stupid, mysogynistic and dull as it likes as long as Hans points it out- well not in my book. I found the stupidity, violence and mysogyny very irritating and then got even more angry when Christopher Walken pointed out to me that I was still watching it. I am sure that Martin McDonagh's brother had read an early draft for this lazy stupid script when he wrote the infintely funnier The Guard and included this little exchange. I found myself desperate to scream "you're a sociopath not a psychopath" at the screen repeatedly, but will gladly settle for a chance to bellow it at any and all of the people associated with the film at some point in the future. 0/10 Most angry I've ever been about a film.

Overall: 2.25/10

Project Jen- Horrible Bosses

So here we are: Horrible Bosses (extended cut) is on the Blue Ray. Pervert followers of Project Jen are hoping this means we get to see more of Jennifer in her lingerie, you don't. Instead you get longer scenes of "witty banter", including bonus homophobia from one of the horrible bosses.

I've seen Horrible Bosses before, in the cinema, and the problem with the film is that it just isn't funny enough, the other problem is, nothing on earth about Jennifer's character in the film would make anyone in the audience even consider having sex with her. Jennifer Aniston cannot do predatory sexy; she is abominably miscast, the role is outside her range- Mila Kunis would have killed in this part.

Here's the thing: Jennifer Aniston is not sexy. Her entire career, her oevre if you will, is the ridiculously pretty (for real life) girl next door. That is her schtick. It's attractive, but the reason she is popular is because she seems nice.

The second viewing confirms all my memories, if anything it's even less funny than I remember. I can't really summon the energy to write very much about the film.

Jennifer gets a "with" credit for the film, she isn't in it very much and when she is its not funny or sexy. The joke is that she is very explicitly trying to seduce her assistant, who finds this uncomfortable because he is happily engaged. I think the funny thing is supposed to be that as men we are all supposed to think "oh I wish I was him, it's Jennifer Aniston, she's hot, I wish she was talking dirty to me and groping me.", but the guy in the film is thinking about having her assassinated because he is so uncomfortable. It doesn't work because she can't pull it off (so to speak).

It is still better than Marley and Me though.

Rating: 2 Green Dresses

Total Recall

SF: Blah, Blah and more Blah. Someone bring back Arnie, please! The irony of having a production company called "Original Film" was the most entertaining part of the entire film. About an hour in I cried knowing how much longer we'd have to endure. Despite being a remake it manages to be different enough from its predecessor but I'm hard pressed to think any redeeming features. The only thing that tickled me was a joke about being king of Mars. This will be added to the list of boring Len Wiseman film...oh wait that's all of them. Cruel but true 2/10

DonkeyB: Is it possible to make a film so bad it made me go the wrong way home? What facial expression is Kate Beckinsale doing? In what year does London Underground get New York subway trains? How do you make a Phillip K Dick story so dull (in all senses of the word)? Isn't the production design a bit racist? All rhetorical questions you will never answer because you won't watch this film, or if you do you will invent a machine to wipe your memory of it. 2/10

50 Eggs: The original Total Recall is a stone-cold 10/10 for me. A thoughtful action blockbuster, I have watched it 15 times and each time change my mind about whether Arnie's adventure is real or not. The new version seems to completely miss the point on that score. I don't think the director cared about that element at all, meaning it just becomes a bog standard sci-fi film. I'm not going to be quite as harsh as SF and Donkey B though, because the visuals at least are a bit of a treat. 5/10

Overall: 2.9/10

Fright Night

SF: Varied from the original do be warned but a lovely cameo from Chris Sarandon. Didn't like Charlie much but still capturing the comedy horror of old. 6.5/10

50 Eggs: Fun! Amusing and nostalgic, much better than I could have hoped. Likeable lead man and bad guy. 8/10

DonkeyB: n/a

Overall - 7.25/10