We'e the Millers

SF: More entertaining than expected, not bad at all for a Jennifer movie. Surprisingly funny, excellent outtakes - 3 green dresses from me!

50eggs: n/a

DonkeyB: Here it is- as the poster suggests; in which Jennifer plays a stripper. Not just any stripper but a stripper with a heart. You know what? It's funny- its funnier than almost all the Project Jen films so far. Damning with faint praise? Maybe but at this point in the list beggers can't be choosers. The film's cliche, the review is cliche. Does anyone care? 3 and a half green dresses: the top half- what a shame it would be to cover up Ms Aniston's bottom after all the work she did to get it into the film.

Almost forgot- two degrees of separation news Jason Sueikis is present (again)- he's also much the best thing in the film and presumably responsible for at least one of the hilarious outtakes.

RATING 3.25 Green Dresses

Project Jen- We're the Millers

This film presents 3-4-1 with exiting synergies, to present our end users with best practice recommendations from a reduced number of belly buttons to push. We can showcase for all our users an improved matrix of options within the same core envelope of current distributions.

That's right it's the first theatrical release of a film starring Jennifer Aniston since the start of Project Jen! Two birds one stone people!

Look out for our review in the next few weeks.

Project Jen - The Break Up

Or "Break - The Up", as LoveFilm labels it.

There is absolutely no reason for this film to exist, it is utterly pointless, I didn't even sense that the sides of my mouth might be nearly about to turn up. It is not funny at all.

One issue I have with this film is, I like A-Capella singing (well I liked Pitch Perfect), Modern Art and baseball.  The film seems to be saying that these interests are mutually exclusive which is the main reason the protagonists break up.

Jason Bateman makes an appearance, so perhaps this film exists solely to help complete the 2 degrees of separation Jennifer Aniston project, which could become a spin off.

Besides that nothing of note happens in this film.

On the plus side Vince Vaughn is perfectly cast as the irritating motor-mouth oaf Jen is eventually glad to be rid of.


I think the "twist" is that it's a romantic comedy about two people who break up, and they do break up.
They don't break up and get back together at the end, which I guess most of the target audience are expecting.

They end the movie literally walking off in different directions and are happy with it.

I know I ruined the ending, but if revealing that puts you off seeing the film I've done you a favour.


RATING: 1 Green Dress

Project Jen- Sky Advert

Shadow falcon suggested I review Ms Aniston's advert appearances in the cinema this week. I wasn't really aware what she was alluding to, in my mind if you mention Jen and adverts I think shampoo. However, while watching the football this evening I encountered a new Jen advert and one to which I assume SF was referring, it is for a popular provider of satellite television broadcasting and Internet and telephony services, specifically their service to ease the frustratingly difficult process of changing your Internet provider.

I hate adverts- I have nothing much to say about the ad itself, other than that it is slightly stupid and the creative idea behind it appears to be; we can get Jennifer Aniston to be in out advert, it doesn't really matter what else happens in it, once everyone sees her they will automatically use our service. Apart from Jen being in it, it is totally unmemorable.

Demand more from your Jennifer Aniston film reviewer.

Demand more from third rate television actresses who try to launch a movie career.

Project Jen- Rumour Has It

Normally here at 3-4-1 we don't discuss the plot of the films we review very much. This is because we know that everyone hates spoilers. However, the "plot"of this film does require some reference.

The idea is that Jen's family in this film, is the real family that the "The Graduate" was based on, and that the real Benjamin might be her real Dad. It has a pleasing possibility of intricate plotting and classic movie references. Also it is directed by Rob Reiner and scripted by the person who wrote Ocean's Eleven so it should be great fun.

There are a few things everyone knows about the Graduate - like the fact that Robert Redford was originally cast as Benjamin but turned the part down because he thought he was too old, only to be replaced by Dustin Hoffman who was in fact even older. To add to the irony, Anne Bancroft who was supposed to be old enough to be Hoffman's mother was actually only a few years older than him.

Here's something I bet you wont have realised though, Jennifer Aniston was exactly the same age when she made this film as Anne Bancroft was when she made The Graduate! For the record if you look it up Kevin Costner was 12 when The Graduate was released.

Background established sadly the film isn't very good. At the start there is something very father of the bride about the scene when Jen arrives back at the family home. In fact it takes a while to really go anywhere and on the whole it doesn't amount to much.

There is a developing theme with all these Project Jen films (a never ending parade of rom-coms). If there is anything funny happening, it happens around Jen, she is rarely even called on to try and be funny. I think its possible she is not very good at comedy!

Jen wears a short nightie in dark blue, very nice. In fact the costume designer did a pretty good job throughout the film. She deserves a name check and an IMDB link. Kym Barrett. Also at one point in the film someone suggests that Jen has nice hair and she should be a hair model - I've seen a number of her films now and I'm tempted to agree.

If you have two hours, watch the Graduate instead

Rating: 2 Green Dresses

Project Jen- Friends with Money

There are many many reasons I should love this film, Joan Cusack, Frances McDormand, Jason Isaacs, Simon McBurney. All actors I really like watching.

I have tried to watch this twice before and both times given up around 20 minutes in - I'm reviewing as I go this time as an incentive to get through, so lets see what happens.

20 minutes in and I already want to turn it off. It's a conversation about having a gay child, it's awful.

I don't identify with any of the characters, they're not believable, they're not interesting and everything about the film is unpleasant.

Jennifer wears a French maid outfit.

The good news is that the first 20 minutes are the worst and there are only 60 minutes afterwards.

It is still no good at all and utterly pointless. Don't watch it.


RATING: 1 Green Dress

Project Jen- He's just not that into you

I have problem with the italicisation
shouldn't it be: 'he's just not that into you'?

If I tagged everyone who was in this movie, I'd run out of energy for typing before I get to the review. Two degrees of separation news: Pacey's (from Dawson's Creek) big sister is in another film.

Diane Snyder and Warren Cheswick from Ed (which is one of the most underrated tv shows of all time) feature in the first five minutes.

Prejudices in the film (in order of appearance)

Racism (Africans in mud huts, seriously?)
Misogyny
Misandry
Homophobia

Gigi and Alex (Diane and Warren) feature all the way through it turns out. They're the stars, it's their story really. Awww isn't that sweet.

This is a really hateful film, it's just horrible in every respect.

Jennifer Connelly (who I love) plays a character who may very well be a psychopath, not very well.

Jennifer Aniston is barely in the film, but she seems to have a job working with two of the other characters at a mail order spice emporium where they keep having to come up with 'copy' for nutmeg. I'm not sure whether this is supposed to be funny or ironic or something but it isn't. She's not very good, but it feels harsh to blame her.


Some traditional Blue Donkey film review rhetorical questions:

Everyone in it has far too much money, where does it all come from? What is the point of the inserted sections? Could Scarlett Johansson's character be more of a porn film cliche?


RATING: 1 Green Dress eeeuuuuchhhhh

Project Jen- Along Came Polly

This is Part one of the Project Jen marathon.

Yey - also part one of camera watch - the wedding photographer in this film has a Nikon!


I can't make up my mind whether picking up the plot/story problems is being unfair. After all it is pretty obvious the film isn't supposed to be realistic. But, I do find the idea that there is such a thing as an expert risk analyst who's job is to type things into a computer programme, which then (presumably) applies an algorithm and tells him what to do, ridiculous.


The film is right about throw pillows, they are pointless. I personally find them even more annoying in hotel rooms where you end up having to leave them on the floor, ready to trip over them if you get up in the middle of the night.

Philip Seymour Hoffman's character provides the laughs- I think I counted two. Its not objectionable, the blind ferret isn't funny, and neither is the toilet scene.

On the plus side Jennifer Aniston isn't terrible, she's pretty, has a nice bum and the main character would be crazy not to prefer her to the other woman, which is what is required. At one point she makes a facial expression which displays, embarrassment, shock and that she might be enjoying something all at the same time which is entirely appropriate to the moment in the film.

Rating: I think I can say it gets 2 Green Dresses

Project Jen- The Switch

Of the three (yes three) Jennier Aniston and Jason Bateman films I've watched as part of Project Jen, this is the best so far. That opening sentence (and link) also counts as your two degrees of separation news.

Or it would have if I had written a review of The Breakup yet, however as I think about it I realise I haven't officially watched The Breakup as part of Project Jen. I watched The Breakup as a civilian.

Anyway, this is going to be a cruel sentence: finally we come to a role that Jennifer Aniston seems born to play, an attractive, older, single, career woman who is desperate to have children. I realise that pointing that out is going to be about the least original thing written in the whole of Project Jen, and that's a high bar to clear, but it cannot go uncommented on.

Bateman gets to play a character with much in common with his career defining alter ego from Arrested Development, so he is fine. Jeff Goldblum is funny as a charmingly sleazy friend/boss of Bateman. The script actually has some funny lines.

Its a rom-com which is passingly entertaining, mildly amusing and at least hints a little at romance.

Rating: 3 Green Dresses

Project Jen- Wanderlust

More two degree of separation news: There is a Raconteurs song on the soundtrack, Brendan Benson is/was in the Raconteurs, and he has a song in Along Came Polly. Paul Rudd is in this film just like he is in Friends and Object of My Affection. Alan Alda is in the film, he is also also in Object of My Affection. I have seen Object of My Affection, I remember it being not that bad...we'll see when it gets delivered; Wanderlust is awful.

Once again I spent a Saturday afternoon with Jen on the Blue Ray not making me laugh. Why is the film called Wanderlust? Its about two people who want to live in New York, who hate not living in New York but have to after the man gets fired. The commune in Georgia they end up in, is filled with people who live in a self-supporting community and rarely leave. What has Wanderlust got to do with it?

The film is filled with a whole load of impossibly irritating characters, based on chiched ideas and stereotypes and in the end the creepy spiritual leader douche-bag character turns out to be a stupid, venal arsewipe.

There are so many continuity mistakes that it starts to really grate. You do wonder at one stage whether they are putting them in on purpose but I'm pretty sure they are not.

Zero laughs, an occasional smile.

RATING: 1 Green Dress

Project Jen - Update

SF: I fear that all these Jennifer Aniston movies are doing something to DonkeyB.

He was caught in HMV with this

OK I might have given it to him but I worry.

20 films still to come on Project Jen:

The Switch

Love Happens 

He's Just Not That Into You 

Management 

The Break-Up 

Friends with Money 

Rumor Has It... 

Derailed 

Along Came Polly 

Bruce Almighty 

Rock Star 

The Iron Giant 

Office Space 

The Thin Pink Line 

The Object of My Affection 

'Til There Was You 

Picture Perfect 

She's the One 

Dream for an Insomniac 

and the eagerly anticipated... Leprechaun 

It needs to be noted that £12 is too much to pay for these movies

Project Jen- The Good Girl

A red letter day in Project Jen; for the first time ever, two reviews in one day.

I felt so awful after seeing The Bounty Hunter I had to eat chicken soup and watch The Good Girl. I feel as your reviewer (I watch these so you don't have to), I deserve special credit because The Good Girl was only rescued from its country retreat (my parents' attic) yesterday and made the long journey from storage to DVD rack along with The Complete West Wing and The Complete Quantum Leap.

For those reader who do not know me already, I must point out I would have rather watched any episodes of either of those fine television shows than any Jennifer Aniston movie.

That being said, I did already own The Good Girl before Project Jen was even conceived.
This is definitely Jennifer Aniston's best performance, she is entirely believable.
While the film isn't laugh-out-loud-funny, it does have a dose of black humour to it. Zooey Deschanel's character who I didn't remember at all is also funny.

This is the first time I have been able to write this since I started Project Jen; if you haven't seen this I think you should see it, rent it.

Rating: 4 Green Dresses

Project Jen- The Bounty Hunter

We have another challenger for worst film starring Jennifer Aniston.

This 'Project' is developing into something of a race to the bottom. This film is the pits, it is just awful, it is worse than Marley and Me.

Ms Aniston is once again a journalist and she once again fails to impress.

I will spare you the plot summary and say that after 45 minutes, I paused watching to see the Formula One pre race show. This was because I wanted to know if it was raining in Sao Paulo, that is how boring it is. I did not laugh once. When I noticed that Jennifer was supposed to be a journalist in this film (like Marley and Me) and that Jason Sugeikis is in this film (as he is in Horrible Bosses) I spent quite a long time thinking about whether it would be possible to do a two degrees of separation diagram linking all Jennifer Aniston films together. I will keep you posted.

Soundtrack news: No Beach Boys songs, and one of those highly irritating "of the moment" pop soundtracks which dates the film almost immediately.

RATING: 1 Green Dress and I didn't think this film deserves photo but I've been overridden

Project Jen- Horrible Bosses

So here we are: Horrible Bosses (extended cut) is on the Blue Ray. Pervert followers of Project Jen are hoping this means we get to see more of Jennifer in her lingerie, you don't. Instead you get longer scenes of "witty banter", including bonus homophobia from one of the horrible bosses.

I've seen Horrible Bosses before, in the cinema, and the problem with the film is that it just isn't funny enough, the other problem is, nothing on earth about Jennifer's character in the film would make anyone in the audience even consider having sex with her. Jennifer Aniston cannot do predatory sexy; she is abominably miscast, the role is outside her range- Mila Kunis would have killed in this part.

Here's the thing: Jennifer Aniston is not sexy. Her entire career, her oevre if you will, is the ridiculously pretty (for real life) girl next door. That is her schtick. It's attractive, but the reason she is popular is because she seems nice.

The second viewing confirms all my memories, if anything it's even less funny than I remember. I can't really summon the energy to write very much about the film.

Jennifer gets a "with" credit for the film, she isn't in it very much and when she is its not funny or sexy. The joke is that she is very explicitly trying to seduce her assistant, who finds this uncomfortable because he is happily engaged. I think the funny thing is supposed to be that as men we are all supposed to think "oh I wish I was him, it's Jennifer Aniston, she's hot, I wish she was talking dirty to me and groping me.", but the guy in the film is thinking about having her assassinated because he is so uncomfortable. It doesn't work because she can't pull it off (so to speak).

It is still better than Marley and Me though.

Rating: 2 Green Dresses

Project Jen- Just Go With It

So we reach film two in Love Film's randomly dispatched Jennifer Aniston films. I still haven't watched Leprechaun, but this film is on Blue Ray- everybody get exited.

First the bad news, I haven't started watching yet but the label indicates that this film contains Adam Sandler. I posit that this is a precaution movie studios have undertaken in light of the serious allergic reactions which are common in a large portion of the film watching public from exposure to even trace elements of Adam Sandler. To be clear he has made some films which are not just unobjectionable but actually very good; unfortunately Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer and the masterpiece which is Punch-Drunk Love are only three acting credits among 46 listed on Imdb. The balance of his output can cause nausea, deep depression and an almost insurmountable urge to knaw at your own fist so bad are the rest of his films and so irritating a screen presence he has become; Sandler's sub Jerry Lewis mugging is just intolerable.

Anyway it does not look promising but here I go......

I've watched the film and here's the facts:

It's no good. It has a Beach Boys song in it. We are asked to believe that Jennifer Aniston is ugly, she does this by wearing glasses, however she never needs these glasses again for the rest of the film.

[Aside: I'm watching Big Bang Theory while I write this review, Leonard when asked what he does for fun by a girl in a bar has just said "hiking, karaoke in Korea town.... any Jennifer Aniston movie", she laughed because she could tell he was being ironic.]

I laughed 0.5 times, and snickered twice. There are several spectacularly misjudged things about the film included some European accents.

As this is Project Jen I think I should reveiw Ms Aniston's role in this film- she is well in her comfort zone here: she is required to act badly, have her hair styled, dress in clothes and be the attractive one it takes the guy a while to notice.

It will come up again and again in these reviews so I will deal with it here, in this film we are told at one point that Jennifer Aniston has horrible hair- this is laughable; the Rachel haircut may not be to everyone's taste but for several years she was literally the poster girl for good hair. At the start of Marley and Me she undoubtedly has bad hair- but for anyone to suggest that her hair is beyond redemption as the stylist does in this film is ridiculous.

The characterisation is poor and inconsistent, the script weak, plot predicatble and incredible.


Rating: 1 Green Dress

 Please let it get better soon.

Project Jen- Marley and Me

Have Dog- will make sentimental film

I thought I would try something. I'm at home so I can blog the film as I watch.

Viewing 1:

The Film opens with a Wedding.
Jen fashion news- bad wedding dress, bad hair.

Then moves on with abysmal snow SFX. Now cut to shiny happy people with helicopter shots of Miami? Ugh.

Things Jennifer Aniston is unconvincing at pretending to do in this film:

1. Writing in a giant Filofax.
2. Being a journalist.
3. Talking to pretend Irish people.


Now they have the Dog. I'm pretty sure they don't let you  transport puppies loose in a car as this seems to be suggesting. You are supposed to have a kennel type thing.

I started the film yesterday morning. I got to about 45 minutes in and then I couldn't take any more.

So here I am again. Watching Marley and Me.

Viewing 2
The good news is that it gets better- more emotionally manipulative, but less bad. The kids are much more believable, than the adults.

There is an obscure Dennis Wilson song on the soundtrack.

Overall the problem is one I'm sure will come up again and again; the utterly unconvincing performances from Owen Wilson and Ms Aniston.According to the special features there are 22 different dogs playing Marley. They could have tried that approach with the human characters.

Honestly the first part is so bad you'd have to be quite determined to get all the way through.


RATING: 1 Green Dress


For you to note: I had a local Liberal Democrat newsletter for when I got really bored and my father interrupted my 2nd viewing with a phone call.

Project Jen- Leprechaun

Here we are it is finally time for the first exiting installment of Project Jen.

For more information on Project Jen head over to our Project Jen page at the top of the page, or click here or there.

Love Film have excelled themselves. Despite the fact that Leprechaun was the only high priority title in my rental list; they have instead sent me The Deep Blue Sea.

As you know from our review readers- I liked The Deep Blue Sea. In fact I liked it much more than the 8/10 I gave it. This is reflected in the fact that it won Best Film in the Prestigious 1st Annual Three Reviews for the Price of One Awards 2011, Terence Davies was my pick for Best Director, Rachel Weisz was robbed for Best Actress etc etc. It is a film which really sticks with you. I found myself thinking about it quite frequently over the following weeks. It was marvelous darling.

Then I see dispatched today is Marley and Me on Blue Ray.

I have already seen Marley and Me. I don't really need to see it again to tell you is is awful. I have already said it is One Green Dress. It really isn't even a green dress; I can't think of anything Ms Aniston has ever worn which would compare to how bad it is.

However, I will watch it.

I want it noted that it is not my fault that I didn't start at the beginning though.

I will leave this here as a place marker for Leprechaun until Love Film get their act together and send me a film about little Irish Men in Green outfits.

Introducing Project Jen

Way way back in the midst of time..... (insert link here) I promised that I would write a review of every Jennifer Aniston movie available in the UK on DVD.

To be honest I don't really remember what my rationale was for making this rash promise; however, as time has gone on and as three reviews recently met up in wildest, remotest nowheresville, there has been some teasing about the amount of time it has taken me to start this epic (and culturally vital) project.

So here it is. A new page for Project Jen. with some links on it.


I believe if you click the link above you get to the all important IMDB page for our subject.

For the record you should know that I own (and quite like) The Good Girl.

Below is a screen shot of my actual Love Film rental list populated by Films de Aniston.


You will note that there is only one Film designated as high priority. Apparently it was decided that I must watch Leprechaun first. I am only prepared to have one Aniston film cluttering my Lovefilm postage at a time, so this is how I will proceed. You will notice that I have selected to rent several of these films in their Blue Ray version; no I don't know why.

For reference there are a few things you will need to know about how I am going to judge these films. It will be arbitrary and yet definitive; this is my project and if you are going to make me follow through with it the least we can get out of it is a concrete ranking list in order of quality from worst to best of the films of Jennifer Aniston.

It is important to note that the SI unit of Jennifer Aniston film quality is "The Green Dress"


Its not a great screen grab- but you get the idea. 1 Green Dress is Marley and Me, 5 Green Dresses is Office Space and everything else lies somewhere in between.

That's all for now.

DonkeyB